Hide.

Some days (most actually) I just want to hide from the entire world.
I just feel so insecure, and all i can think is 'fml'.

photo courtesy of cupcakeYum.

i absolutely detest these days with a passion.

i just finished the book, "the best little girl in the whole world"

its about a 15 year old girl that has anorexia. and it goes into her mind, this obsession with making herself thinner and thinner. she creates games of things she can and cannot do inside and her head. and eventually the obsession becomes so strong that nothing can stop her from losing more and more weight. ultimately, her drive was created by the need for attention and feeling like someone actually cared/noticed. she was the "best little girl", perfect grades, ballerina, nothing to ever dislike or cause any negative attention. so she created this world where she had to be perfect and it slipped out of her control and ended up hurting herself without even realizing it because her mind had become so twisted and obscured and obsessed with her 'games'.
her psychologist helps her to express how she feels, pissed off, mad, unloved. everything that her parents made her feel like, even though they did truly love her, but that fact was SHE didn't feel like they did. she wasn't able to express herself, she sucked it in as if it was her problem. and eventually the pain and anger caused to her to begin the 'games'.

this book was amazing, it opened my eyes to a part of my life that is hard to understand and sometimes hard to put in understandable words.. besides my own feelings. i could help, but when i got to the end.

i could go waaay more in depth about this book and continue to relate it to a million things, but its been a few days since i finished it... and i think i would be better if you just read the book yourself.

well, im gonna run this freaking bad day away. all though, i doubt today it will make me feel anybetter. :(

-Cj